Monday, September 17, 2012

Ask Toto #29

Dear Toto,

Why do you hate cats so much?  Can't you all just get along?

-- from the internet

Okay, you don't fool me at all, Cat.  I don't care WHICH cat you are, you're totally a cat and you're totally trying to prank me here.  well, it's NOT gonna work!

But on the maybe 2 percent chance that you're not a cat, and because Dorothy says I have to give you the benefit of the doubt, I'll PRETEND you're a human (even though you're TOTALLY NOT) and answer your question.

I hate cats because they're cats.  THERE!  Okay, okay, okay.  

I hate cats because they're snobby and snooty and think they're so great, prancing around on those hush hush feet, stalking around silently and those eyes that don't really blink when they stare at you, it's like you're looking at a SNAKE!  They hiss like a snake too!

I hate cats because they can scratch you.  I hate cats because they ignore you and don't really need anything from you except when it's FOOD TIME, and THEN they change into a sweet loving kitty and curling around your legs like you're they're best friend ever when really it's because they're hungry AND YOU HUMANS FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME!

When I'm happy, you can see my smile, and I sit by your feet, or on the couch, or the bed, or where ever you'll let me stay.  When cats're happy, they sound like cars in the idle position.  

Cats will not tell your when there's a stranger at the door.

Cats will not protect you.

Cats do not love you.

At least, not like I do. :):):)

does that answer your question?  Thanks!

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