Monday, November 21, 2011

Ask Toto #18

TOTO: Did you expose the Wizard because your people were too stupid to realize YOU could do it better? @deaniemills

Hi Deanie!

Well, I wouldn’t call them “stupid” so much as “unenlightened.” See, the thing about dogs versus people is that people don’t understand exactly how smart dogs really are. We’ve got you humans all figured out! We train you guys to within an inch of your life.

I scratch at the door means I wanna go outside. If I have you REALLY trained, you’ve installed a dog door so I can go back and forth as I please. Turning circles by the leash means I wanna go on a walk. I’ve got you guys feeding me twice a day, on a pretty set schedule. Barking means I want attention, and rolling over on my back means I want a tummy rub.

It’s not easy to train humans, and some require a little more patience than others, but I’d rather be on the sneaky side and always be underestimated than to have humans catch on to how REALLY smart I am.

It’s ironic (oh yeah, I’m a dog, but I casually drop words like ironic into casual conversation, HELL YEAH I DO! ‘CAUSE I’M SMARTER THAN YOU THINK, SEE!) that we’re talking about patience, because it’s true, when it came down to the showtime with the wizard, I didn’t wait on them. I mean, we’re all in the throne room, and we’re all listening to the disembodied voice saying “Did you kill the Wicked Witch”, and everybody’s trying to be all respectful but they’re scared, and I’m like, why are you all scared of a VOICE!? A VOICE and no body!? Why would anyone be scared of SOUND!?

So I bumped the screen and the curtain and Oops, Here’s a HUMBUG! and really, it’s just a huge lesson in Make Sure Your Throne Furnishings Are Secure, Or Else I’m Gonna Expose Your Butt, you know?

Secure your furnishings, people. Because when you don’t secure, it makes a SEC out of URE and me. Or something like that. Okay, fine, I’m working on my Scrabble skills. WHATEVER!

Thanks for the question!

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