Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Ask Toto #36

@totothedog Here's a question for Toto: Are there any yummy homemade dog treats like these in Oz? 

via  @steweyunscene on Twitter

Hi Stewey!

Holy chickens and cats!  What IS that!?  It’s… it’s… it’s a DOG BISCUIT TREAT MAKER KIT!?  From Bed, Bath and Beyond!?



Wow!  Now I’ve gotta find the closest store in Kansas and direct Dorothy to it to get it for us!

Is there anything like that in Oz?  Nope, can’t say there is.  Ozma and Glinda haven’t let any earthly retail corporations set up shop in Oz (which is good, who wants to see a Starbucks in the Emerald City, right?)

So no Starbucks, no Bed Bath and Beyond, no Target, your iPhones don’t work in Oz, but that’s why Oz and everything in it is timeless.

But the good people of Oz generally bake me treats, It just depends on which part of Oz I’m in.  The Munchkins put blueberries in their treats, the Quadlings dust theirs with cinnamon, the Gilikins stuff theirs with beets (they’re the ones I like the least), and the ones the Winkies make taste like roasted corn.

It’s one of the few things I like when I’m in Oz – being that I’m the only dog there, I can generally get anyone to bake me dog treats whenever I want.

But I’m definitely making Dorothy get the Treat Maker Kit for us in Kansas 

Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Ask Toto #35

Dear Toto,

Is there ever a reason you would WANT to go to Oz?

 -- ABB from Kissimmee

Hi ABB!  

Are you related to ABBA?  Dorothy likes to dance around to Take A Chance On Me, though I don't understand the video at all.  Shouldn't they be happier?  And what's wrong with the lens, it's foggy a lot of the time!

But!  That's not what you asked, you asked if there's ever a reason I'd WANT to go to Oz.  You are so perceptive, you totally understand that I HATE OZ.  HATE IT HATE IT  HATE IT!

And people don't understand.  They're all "Hey, Toto, Oz is great.  Oz is cool!  Everyone else likes Oz, why don't you?"

Here's my top three reasons why Toto Hates Oz:

#3 Winged Monkeys.  Look, I haven't spent a lot of time in jungles, and even I know that MONKEYS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO FLY!  The fact that they do so in Oz FREAKS ME OUT

#2 Too Much Color.  Munchkins are blue, Winkies are yellow, Quadlings are red, Gilikins are purple and the Emerald City is green.  I know everyone thinks that dogs are color blind, but I'm here to tell you that I see ALL the colors in Oz and it hurts my head to take it all in!  Imagine a technicolor rainbow spiral drilled into your eyes 24/7.  That's what it's like to be a dog in Oz. (and technically, there aren't any dogs in Oz, just me, when Dorothy forces me to go.  Nobody understands my pain.)

#1  Magic.  There's magic everywhere in Oz!  And people think it's awesome, look at all the fun stuff you can do with it.  But I don't trust it!  And it gets people into trouble all the time!  Sure, Ozma and Glinda can do nifty stuff, but they're professionals.  And they're not infallible.  Ozma got turned into a gold peach pit because of magic.  Just be normal, people.  I know it's hard to do since you're in Oz and everything, but still.

But!  ABB, you asked if there ever was a reason I'd want to go to Oz!  And the answer is pretty simple - if Dorothy wants to go, I'll go.  Because I love her dearly, and I'll go where she goes.  I may not like it a whole lot, but I'll do it for her.

Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at