Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Ask Toto #35

Dear Toto,

Is there ever a reason you would WANT to go to Oz?

 -- ABB from Kissimmee

Hi ABB!  

Are you related to ABBA?  Dorothy likes to dance around to Take A Chance On Me, though I don't understand the video at all.  Shouldn't they be happier?  And what's wrong with the lens, it's foggy a lot of the time!

But!  That's not what you asked, you asked if there's ever a reason I'd WANT to go to Oz.  You are so perceptive, you totally understand that I HATE OZ.  HATE IT HATE IT  HATE IT!

And people don't understand.  They're all "Hey, Toto, Oz is great.  Oz is cool!  Everyone else likes Oz, why don't you?"

Here's my top three reasons why Toto Hates Oz:

#3 Winged Monkeys.  Look, I haven't spent a lot of time in jungles, and even I know that MONKEYS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO FLY!  The fact that they do so in Oz FREAKS ME OUT

#2 Too Much Color.  Munchkins are blue, Winkies are yellow, Quadlings are red, Gilikins are purple and the Emerald City is green.  I know everyone thinks that dogs are color blind, but I'm here to tell you that I see ALL the colors in Oz and it hurts my head to take it all in!  Imagine a technicolor rainbow spiral drilled into your eyes 24/7.  That's what it's like to be a dog in Oz. (and technically, there aren't any dogs in Oz, just me, when Dorothy forces me to go.  Nobody understands my pain.)

#1  Magic.  There's magic everywhere in Oz!  And people think it's awesome, look at all the fun stuff you can do with it.  But I don't trust it!  And it gets people into trouble all the time!  Sure, Ozma and Glinda can do nifty stuff, but they're professionals.  And they're not infallible.  Ozma got turned into a gold peach pit because of magic.  Just be normal, people.  I know it's hard to do since you're in Oz and everything, but still.

But!  ABB, you asked if there ever was a reason I'd want to go to Oz!  And the answer is pretty simple - if Dorothy wants to go, I'll go.  Because I love her dearly, and I'll go where she goes.  I may not like it a whole lot, but I'll do it for her.

Thanks for the question!

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