Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ask Toto #41


Dear Toto,

When my dog is sleeping, she woofs and twitches in her sleep, like she’s dreaming.  What do dogs dream about?  What did you dream about last night?

-       Curious and Dreaming

Hi Curious!  Great question!

Absolutely, dogs dream.  Can’t you tell by watching us?


We’re not exercising in our sleep, you know.  That’s what daytime hours are about.

But you ask any smartypants doctor, he will explain that yes, dogs experience the same type of REM sleep that humans do when they’re dreaming.  It’s just that most dogs can’t tell you that they dreamed or what they dreamed, because most dogs can’t talk.

BUT I CAN!

Most of the time, I dream pretty normal stuff.  You know, the usual.  Chasing rabbits, chasing the cows, chasing the chickens and the pigs and the horses. 

On the few occasions I find myself in Oz with Dorothy, WOO BUDDY! Those dreams are like Technicolor nightmares, filled with Nome Kings, rolling eggs, lavender bears, vengeful cinnamon buns, and all sorts of things.  Which is why I prefer to spend as little time in Oz as possible. 

But last night, I had a pretty good dream.  Dorothy had taken me to the lake, and we were on a sailboat.  I sniffed at the fish in the water, and stood at the bow of the ship and pretended I was captain as Dorothy steered us around.

Then when we docked, a giant army of evil cats showed up!  I grew ten feet tall and battled the cats to protect Dorothy.  I chased all the evil cats into the water where the fish ate them.  And Dorothy and I were safe again.

Those are the best kind of dreams for me.  Not the cat part, though I shed no tears over cats.  But the parts where it’s me and Dorothy together forever, those are the dreams I like the best.  Because they’re the ones that are the closest to reality.

Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Ask Toto #40


Dear Toto, 

Why don't dogs like squirrels?  Every dog I know has lunged after a squirrel they see on their walks.  What gives?


- Aren’t Squirrels Okay?

No, squirrels are NOT okay.  Not by a long shot. 

I get it, I mean, look at ‘em.  They look cute with the big eyes and the tiny paws holding a nut, and the bushy bushy tail.

But what humans don’t know (and dogs do) is that there is an evil underground squirrel conspiracy.

YES!  The squirrels have a vast underground network.  Literally.  It’s underground.  And it is here, in the miles and miles of caves just underneath our feet that they are plotting and planning to take over the world.

YES!  Because do you know what squirrels want more than anything else in the world?

(No, it’s not more nuts.  They can get those anytime they want.)

SQUIRRELS WANT TO LIVE INDOORS!

Think about it!  Do you ever see a squirrel indoors?  No!  Why?  Because they’re not allowed! 
And you know what happens when you’re not allowed something?  YOU GATHER YOUR SQUIRREL COMRADES TOGETHER AND PLOT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Squirrels want to live indoors.  They want to sleep in a bed, cook in kitchens, take baths in bathtubs, and sit on couches and watch Kitchen Nightmares. 

And how gross would that be, amiright?

So when a human sees a squirrel dashing across a lawn, it’s not that the squirrel is trying to get food and scurry back up a tree, it’s that they’re trying to delivery important communiqu├ęs to other squirrel squadrons.  And it’s up to us dogs to disrupt that information chain as best we can.

Which is why we bark at them.  Lunge at them.  Growl at them.  Hate them with a passion.

So don’t scold us when we lunge at a squirrel on our walks.  Because we’re just trying to protect the human race is all.  no big deal. :)

Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com