So Easter is coming up, and I gotta tell you, dogs do NOT understand Easter at all. Not one bit.
So why it isn't the Easter Chicken clucking around on Easter morning is beyond me. I mean, sometimes, you'll see an Easter chick, but the Bunny clearly outnumber them. Certainly, chicks are represented enough in the form of Peeps, right?
But then you got these guys - Bunny Peeps! Bunnies come along and mess everything up and it's just... why.
Secondly, what's the single biggest thing that the Easter Bunny leaves for the kids?
CHOCOLATE! Chocolate eggs, chocolate peanut butter cups, chocolate malted milk balls, Cadburry chocolate eggs.
They even have a chocolate flavor Bunny Peep, though that simply does NOT make sense to me.
Even worse, a staple of Dorothy's Easter basket is the CHOCOLATE BUNNY.
CHOCOLATE IS DEATH TO DOGS!
People know this, right? That chocolate is incredibly bad for dogs? Because it has theobromine, a stimulant found in the cocoa plant. Humans can process theobromine easily, but dogs can't.
So bunnies pretending to be chickens with the egg-laying thing in addition to leaving deadly poisonous gifts to dogs, including a chocolate Easter Bunny which is basically encouraging self-cannibalization = EVIL EASTER BUNNY.
So the chickens and dogs of the world need to band together to fight off this evil evil mess.
Trying to lead the charge, I proposed an alliance of sorts with me and the chickens in Auntie Em's chicken coop - let's take down this rabbit together and save some lives! whattdya say!?
And the chickens wanted nothing to do with me. Oh, I tried. I tried REALLY hard, I pointed out all the benefits to the chickens if we got rid of the Easter Bunny - nobody stealing or taking credit for your eggs, no death to dogs like me.
But chickens are... well... they're kinda dumb. I can't speak chicken! I can't even speak human, and I CERTAINLY cannot speak Bunny!
So I guess I'm gonna have to take down this Weirdo Easter Bunny myself this Sunday. I'm gonna stay up all night, I'm gonna catch that sucker, and I'm gonna scare it far far away before it can cause any real damage to me, Dorothy or the chickens.