Ask Toto #29

Dear Toto,

Why do you hate cats so much?  Can't you all just get along?

-- from the internet

Okay, you don't fool me at all, Cat.  I don't care WHICH cat you are, you're totally a cat and you're totally trying to prank me here.  well, it's NOT gonna work!

But on the maybe 2 percent chance that you're not a cat, and because Dorothy says I have to give you the benefit of the doubt, I'll PRETEND you're a human (even though you're TOTALLY NOT) and answer your question.

I hate cats because they're cats.  THERE!  Okay, okay, okay.  

I hate cats because they're snobby and snooty and think they're so great, prancing around on those hush hush feet, stalking around silently and those eyes that don't really blink when they stare at you, it's like you're looking at a SNAKE!  They hiss like a snake too!

I hate cats because they can scratch you.  I hate cats because they ignore you and don't really need anything from you except when it's FOOD TIME, and THEN they change into a sweet loving kitty and curling around your legs like you're they're best friend ever when really it's because they're hungry AND YOU HUMANS FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME!

When I'm happy, you can see my smile, and I sit by your feet, or on the couch, or the bed, or where ever you'll let me stay.  When cats're happy, they sound like cars in the idle position.  

Cats will not tell your when there's a stranger at the door.

Cats will not protect you.

Cats do not love you.

At least, not like I do. :):):)

does that answer your question?  Thanks!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Ask Toto #28

Dear Toto,

Don't you get hot in the summertime?  How do you stay cool?

-- from the internet

Oh yep yep.  I HATE hot weather.  You think you humans have it bad, you don't have to walk around with the equivalent of a fur coat THAT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OFF!

Lucky for me, my breed has short wiry fur, unlike my poor cocker spaniel or golden retriever friends.  So it could, like, TOTALLY be worse.

There's a couple of tips.  I do all my running around the barn around 6am or so, before it gets really really hot (which also explains why I sleep most of the day).  I stick to shady spots.  Dorothy puts ice cubes in my water bowl.  And then when the sun comes down, I run around the farm a couple more times.  

It's not that I'm a vampire, because I like the sun.  I just don't like it much over mid 70s.  It's uncomfy, no?

thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com