Sunday, June 28, 2009

Ask Toto A Question #13

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read the following column unless you've seen Marley & Me! Don't do it! Don't!

@totothedog Question- why did I hate everything about Marley & Me but still cried like a baby @ the end? - @napiersmooth

Hi @napiersmooth! Our first twitter question! How exciting! You all know you can follow me on my twitter account, which is . A fascinating challenge to be funny in 140 characters or less. Also an interesting challenge if you have paws, such as myself.

BUT! The question is about Marley & Me. I actually watched this with Dorothy a few weeks ago. I totally agree with @napiersmooth, as I hated everything about Marley & Me, especially that evil pernicious threat called Eric Dane. He’s so smarmy! So cocky! Toss him off a cliff ASAP, because I can’t stand it when Dorothy sighs every time he comes on screen. What’s the big deal? He’s got a salt and pepper beard and ripped abs, so WHAT.

Did I cry like a baby at the end, as @napiersmooth did? Well, Dorothy cried, and that upset me. I hate anything that makes my woman cry. Especially blatantly manipulative cinematic techniques.

Because show me a movie where a dog dies at the end and you DON’T cry. Old Yeller? Fox And The Hound? Cujo? You’re a cold hearted freakazoid if you’re not bawling like a baby at the end of those movies. Because dead dogs = copious tears. Filmmakers know this, and they milk it for all its worth.

Don’t be ashamed of crying at the end of Marley & Me, @napiersmooth. Because nobody’s a cold hearted freakazoid. Unless you’re a cat.

Now, if only Eric Dane had died at the end instead of Marley. That would’ve been AWESOME.

Ask Toto A Question runs every other week until the questions run out. Don’t let that happen! Send Toto your queries at

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