Well, of COURSE
Dorothy and I had to go check this
movie out. It's got US in it. Do you guys have any idea how weird
it is to see a portrayal of you on a giant giant movie screen? It's
REALLY strange. This must be what Presidents of countries think when
they see pictures of them in every magazine. I dunno.
Anyhow, Legends Of Oz - Dorothy's Return has
Dorothy and Toto returning to Oz in what we're told are days after
her first adventure. Scarecrow has beamed her and me back to Oz to
help them overthrow the evil Jester, who's gotten a hold of the
Wicked Witch's Broom and some multi-colored crystal something or
other and has turned Glinda and a few other Ozians into puppets.
Dorothy and me go on a convoluted journey, first
to Emerald City, then to the Jester's place (Why couldn't we have
just gone to the Jester's place first?) and pick up new companions
along the way, like Wiser the Owl, General Marshal Mallow and China
Princess, to fight the Jester and save Oz.
I loved the production design, Candy Country,
China Country, the Emerald City Castle, all of it. There's plenty of
fun in the details, from the Great Wall Of China, to the red licorice
trim on Marshal Mallow's uniform.
But honestly, there's a lot of things that don't
make sense in the story. While Scarecrow busts out a few mental
gymnastic plans, Tin Man and Lion don't act especially loving or
courageous, which is odd.
Dorothy barely spends any time with her old pals – Scarecrow, Tin Man and
Lion. And yet we don't get an emotional bond between her and her new
pals – Wiser, Marshal Mallow and China Princess (who's pretty hard to
like in the first place) to make us want to root for them to succeed.
But what little emotion is in this movie comes
from the relationship between Marshal Mallow and China Princess. She's
haughty, cold, and a Not Very Nice Word, but Marshal Mallow's gallantry
and growing love for her (to the point where he sacrifices parts of
himself to put her back together) is quite touching to see.
The movie is bookended by scenes of Kansas, and
Dorothy fighting off a callous con man trying to condemn her
tornado-wrecked homes and those of her neighbors. But Dorothy
already sees him as a fraud before she leaves, and unmasks him when
she gets back. She didn't learn any new lessons in Oz that would
help her back home, so why have the bookends? Dorothy's not learning
any lessons, old or new. So we came out of the movie feeling like we
hadn't seen anything new.
I was pleased to see that the onscreen version of
me does a few heroic things here and there. But the onscreen Toto
prominently sports a tag with the letter “D” on it. But it's
never remarked on in the film. What does the “D” stand for?
Dog? Why would I wear a tag announcing my species? Is it supposed
to stand for “Dorothy?” Dorothy's not my name. If it's supposed
to be one of those love token things, Dorothy doesn't wear a necklace
with the letter “T” on it for Toto, so it still doesn't make
sense.
And the fact that I spent the majority of the
movie wondering about that, instead of being enthralled by the story,
probably tells you everything.
But I do have to give the movie major major props
for not featuring a single cat. So maybe this movie's all right in
my book. ;)
