Out on vacation...

I should come up with something more snazzy like, "Gone fishin'" except Toto doesn't fish, and "Running around the plains chasing the chickens" sounds like more work than anything else.

All to say is that Toto and myself will be back on February 9th or so, check back then.

thanks!

Amy Heidish

Ask Toto A Question #4

Dear ToTo,

How does it make you feel when people call you 'too too' with the oooo sound? Does it make you feel like dancing the nutcracker?! Just curious!

There's no place like home,
Jules

Hi Joooooooooles!

The good thing about my name is that it’s kinda hard to pronounce wrong. Unless Aunt Em’s drinking the hard stuff again. Then it’s “Too Too” all over the place. And she makes me dance. You humans love to dance with dogs, don’t ya? The whole picking up the front paws, and having us teeter dangerously on our paws walking backwards. And you think it’s so cute, oooh oooh look at that, we’re DANCING! Of course we’re dancing! You won’t let go of our front feet! We got nowhere else to go!

Trust me, I’m a heckuva dancer when all four paws are on the ground, okay? Have you seen the end credits to Slumdog Millionaire? I can TOTALLY do that dance, okay? Dorothy wears the tutu and dances to the Sugarplum Fairy, but I can Jai Ho like nobody’s business, ha ha ha. Thanks!

Ask Toto A Question runs every other week until the questions run out. Don’t let that happen! Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com.

I Have A Director!

In my many years of writing and producing theater in Los Angeles, I have seen a lot of things go wrong. I’ve had actors drop out, directors drop out, props break onstage, costume nightmares, last minute switch ups in venues, cranky theater owners, directors and stage managers screaming at each other. I’ve had to let actors go, sometimes early in the process, once two days before opening night (that wasn’t fun.)

I’m not the only one this happens too, by the way. Plenty of my playwright/producer friends have had the exact same issues. I haven’t produced anywhere except Los Angeles, so I’m not sure if these mishaps happen everywhere, or if L.A. is just special in the way that 99 seat theater is considered the ugly redheaded stepchild of TV and film work. Actors follow the money, I suppose I can’t blame them. Respect for the craft might be nice, but whatever.

It’s gotten to the point where I fully expect something to go wrong, and mentally prep myself for something to go wrong, and all I ask is that the bumps in the road come at the beginning, as opposed to the end. I’m a Give Me The Bad News First kind of gal, ‘cause then the Good News leaves me on an up note.

But this time, the Good News has come first, and I’m choosing to take it as a sign that there will be more good news than bad.

And that is, I have a director! The lovely Kelly Ann Ford has agreed to hop aboard the Toto Train to Merriment. The Ark Theatee Company suggested her and she liked the script, and let the fun begin!

She’s been directing for quite awhile on the Los Angeles theater scene, she’s award winning! She’s big stuff, and we had our first meeting on Thursday. We got along well, and she even said she was prepared to direct the draft I gave her. Thank God that’s not the case, as I can do much much better than the current draft. As soon as I can find the time to write, heh.

But yay! Someone else is on board! I told her she’ll have to contribute a column soon. Hope that doesn’t scare her off.

Ask Toto A Question #3

hey toto -

after judy garland's death in 1969, you toured briefly with pink floyd. were you involved on the studio sessions for "dark side of the moon," released 3 years later?

if so, did you ask the band to time the music as an alternative score to "wizard of oz?" and if so, was that your homage to judy garland?

SR, West Hollywood

Ah yes, I do get this question occasionally.

Dorothy still has no idea what people are talking about when it comes up, because I can’t get her to start the CD at the right point of the DVD (she can never anticipate the MGM Lion’s third roar, and we ALL know that’s the one for the superior synching alignment experience.)

Let me put it this way, SR. Do you own an Ipod or perhaps an Itouch? Ever used the Shuffle feature on it? Do you ever think to yourself, “Wow, that’s amazing, all my favorite songs are cued up one, right after another? How does that Ipod or Itouch know what my favorite music is?”

Fact of the matter is, it doesn’t, okay? But you’ve loaded it with mostly your favorite songs (or deleted the ones you like less) so is it any wonder that what happens during the shuffle is a shuffle of your favorite songs?

Coincidence is a powerful thing, but only gets you so far. “Any Color You Like” during the Dorothy/ Scarecrow “If I Only Had A Brain” scene? When “Brain Damage” would’ve been a much better choice, and only one track listing away? Starts to fall apart on examination, doesn’t it. And as much as I would like to take credit for influencing Pink Floyd in a maybe tribute to Ms. Garland, they were always bigger Monty Python fans than they were of Wizard of Oz.

Frankly, the experience of watching Wizard of Oz while listening to Dark Side of The Moon gets old after 15 minutes or so. That’s when people at most of the parties that I’ve been at head out onto the patio to fire up a (A WHAT, Toto? D) Uh...fire up the campfire? So we can roast S’mores?

It’s okay, though, SR. I don’t mind answering that question again. Reminds me of the good old days, of early quadraphonic sound systems, bad 70s hair, and mind blowing...um...S’mores. Thanks for asking!

Ask Toto A Question runs every other week until the questions run out. Don’t let that happen! Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com.

The Question Of Dorothy

The thing about Dorothy that’s always puzzled me in The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz is how she’s kinda passive. Sure the story revolves around her, but that’s also the problem, it revolves AROUND her, she rarely participates in moving the story forward.

The only thing Dorothy does in her own in the first half of the book is swatting the Cowardly Lion when he chases Toto upon first meeting them.

Every other problem in the first half of the book is either solved by someone else (Scarecrow figures out how to cross the ravine, how to cross the river, how to get out of the poppy field), or Dorothy is given the answer from someone else (Good Witch of South tells Dorothy to go to Emerald City to see Wizard about getting home, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion invite themselves to go with Dorothy to see the Wizard, she never offers to take them with her, though she’s happy enough to have their company along the way.) Dorothy rarely has to make anything happen herself.

Once she melts the witch (which in the book she does simply because she’s angry at the Witch for tricking Dorothy out of one of the two Silver Shoes that she wears.), she becomes slightly more pro-active. She gets her friends back together (which, you could argue, she had to do simply because Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Men weren’t around to help), but she also hits upon the idea to call the Queen of the Field Mice to get them back to Emerald City, she’s the one that uses the three charms of the Golden Cap (though the suggestion to use the second and third charm is given to her by Scarecrow and Tin Man)

That seems to be an anomaly, as things return to form for the rest of the story: She’s not the one that unmasks the Wizard, that’s done accidentally by Lion (who roars to frighten Wizard) and Toto (who jumps away from Lion in fear and knocks over the screen that Wizard is hiding behind.) The Wizard comes up with the idea to use the balloon to get them back to Kansas. The Soldier With The Green Whiskers suggests they seek out Glinda’s counsel, Tin Man gets them through the forest of Fighting Trees, Tin Man and Scarecrow get them up and over the wall of The Dainty China Country, Lion battles the Great Spider, and of course Glinda tells her how to use the Silver Shoes to get back to Kansas.


There could be several reasons for why Dorothy is written the way she is. One could argue that storywise, Dorothy can’t find solutions to problems in a land she’s completely unfamiliar with, or perhaps gender politics in 1900 dictated that little girls were not so much the leaders of their own story as they were a nurturing figure or princess to protect to the metaphorical warrior characters around her.

But a reactive main character who continually says “What shall we do?” “What can we do?” is not interesting to me. I have the same issue with Marty McFly in Back To The Future, and Benjamin Button in The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. They don’t move their story forward so much as they mostly stumble through the consequences of decisions that other characters make for them.

Dorothy is good, sweet, kind, of course. But she still can’t take the reigns of Say Goodbye Toto if Toto is the driving engine. I had to build a new Dorothy that is worthy of Toto’s fierce devotion.

In Say Goodbye Toto, the characters of Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion are tweaked to where they’re pursuing Dorothy romantically, to Toto’s dismay. Midway through the second rewrite, it occurred to me that Dorothy would have to be completely oblivious to what Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion’s intentions were to justify Toto’s desperation in protecting her. And the only way to make Completely Oblivious work so as not to exasperate your audience is to make it Completely Funny.

And that’s when I remembered Rose from the Golden Girls. Remember Rose? Betty White was wonderful as Rose, who was so good, so sweet, so kind, and so wonderfully oblivious, and drop dead hilarious at being wonderfully oblivious. Rose never got the jokes around her (or even the ones aimed at her) but she still went on her merry oblivious way through life with a skip and a smile (though maybe not in this picture.)

But then I realized I wasn’t done. I had been so focused on shaping Toto’s arc, on how a dog learns what the true meaning of love is, that Dorothy was basically the same from beginning to end. She was still completely oblivious, but without a major character shift, she felt a little one note. Drama depends on characters changing, and Dorothy had nowhere to go.

But the material was there, I just had to dig for it. I realized that I had a great opportunity with the melting of the witch. Even though in our version, Toto does the actual melting, the prospect of seeing a melted person on the floor, along with the scattered remains of a Scarecrow and the dented remains of a Tin Man (Lion’s just tied up, nothing new there) might be enough to send a girl into a type of humorous psychotic breakdown. Which is what happens to Dorothy. Suddenly, she’s in charge, leading the brigade back to Emerald City to get the things the Wizard promised them, she’s the one who unmasks the Wizard, all the while teetering on the edge of sanity.

It makes for a much more interesting character to write. And hopefully, a more interesting character to watch.

- Amy Heidish

Ask Toto A Question #2

Dear Sir,

I find it impossibly rude to presume to address you by your given name, Toto. You've been around town longer than I have (that's no small feat), and the above salutation hopefully reflects the high regard within which I hold you. I remember being enthralled and -yes!- enraptured by you and your Mistress's mis-adventures as I read about them late at night with a flashlight back in my early '60's girlhood bedroom. It's been some time since, but I clearly recall thoughts such as, "Toto knows what he's about", and "wish he could be all mine", or "that stupid girl's going to lose her darling if she doesn't watch out!"

My question Sir, is this: were you aware 'back in the day' that young-budding-women around the globe were avidly adoring you?

I rather fancy you in your canine smoking jacket and slippers, carefully licking a bit of brandy by the fire, and I will completely understand if my query goes unanswered. You did work so awfully hard and, in my book, you've earned every bit of old wise dog downtime available to you.

I am sending along a pic of my darling boy Franklin (aka "Frankie). On his best-groomed days, I think I can see a bit of you in his handsome profile.

Respectfully and ever yours,
Bibi Tinsley

Bibi! I am simply overwhelmed with your adoration! Obviously you are a lady with exquisite standards and I am mightily proud to meet your high bar of canine studliness.

Of course of course you may call me Toto. The only things that have to call me Mr. The Dog are cats. Because we all know what kinds of lower life forms they are, and they are nowhere NEAR the delicate finery of your personage. I am so privileged to correspond with you!

Do I know what I’m all about? Absolutely I do, and I’m thrilled that readers such as yourself saw my influence from early on. I do wish that I could be all yours too, but alas alas, I am a one woman dog, and Dorothy has my heart. Would that we lived in a parallel world where cats and chicken do not exist and my jumping capabilities are high enough to nick me anything I please from the dinner table, I have no doubt that we would gaily run through fields and meadows with brightly colored streamers behind us. But alas I am Dorothy’s, and you are Franklin’s and thus all we have between us are dreams and correspondence.

As to your question! Dear me no, I never had the faintest glimmer that beauties around the world were avidly adoring me. I always appear as a constant afterthought, the last thing that any illustrator puts into a picture of Oz is me. Possibly because I’m small. Possibly because I don’t talk. Possibly because no one knows the real story and how things went down. But that will all change in a matter of months. Will you be there, Bibi darling!? I do hope to see your glorious countenance.

But I can tell from Franklin’s picture that you are in more than capable hands. He has the mischief in his eyes. I could envision the two of us chasing the horses in Uncle Henry’s fields, dog and dog, bark for bark, as male dogs need to do on occasion to prove their dogliness. My sincerest gratitude for enclosing his picture. I can sleep by the hearth a little bit safer, knowing you have a trusted companion.

And while I am very flattered by your vision of canine smoking jacket and slippers, the truth of the matter is that I do not have my own wardrobe. The brandy on the other hand...

Dorothy! Give that back!

(Dorothy here. Toto has been a very naughty dog just now. Please excuse any high falutin’ impressions he gave you. He’s not nearly as refined as that. He gets fleas in the summer. Thanks for the question, Bibi! Toto will answer the next one when he sobers up.)

TEN HOURS LATER

Dear Toto -

I just found your blog, and was so jazzed I almost peed the carpet. I've been obsessing about something for months now, and never had anyone to talk to who could understand me. I'm hoping you can help.

I'm in a long term live-in situation with two pretty decent humans. They say we don't need papers to prove our love for each other - and I always thought it was a committed relationship. (They never forget to feed me, and whenever they move out of state, they take me with them.) For the last few years, though, they've been spending a lot of time on this website called YouTube. They say it's harmless fun, but occasionally I catch them sneaking a peek at videos of other dogs - dogs who seem to be younger, cuter, or just more daring than I am. (They really seem to like the puppy videos, which I find downright disturbing.) I've tried to confront them a few times, but that never seems to go well. They just get angry and push me off the computer keyboard - like I'm the one doing something wrong. I've also tried to access the website to see what's going on for myself - but, as always, the lack of opposable thumbs is a problem.

I have always been widely considered cute and cuddly. (I get lots of compliments on my walks.) Sure, I'll be 98 next month - but I think I look pretty good for a bitch my age, and I can still do all my tricks.

How worried should I be?

Bianca
Glendale, CA

Hi Bianca, thanks for your question! First things first, you know that collar you wear around your neck? Not the festive Christmas bow, that comes off after the holidays are over. No, no, the collar is the thing around your neck with the jingly tags, the thing that people grab when they meet you and don’t know what your name is, ‘cause I guess it’s written there. So the collar is the dog equivalent of a wedding ring. Humans have rings, dogs have collars. You’re right, you don’t need paperwork to prove you’re in a committed relationship, it’s because your collar does all the proving for you. So you can relax on that front, you’re a legal beagle, except you’re not a beagle, but you get my point.

As to your question! Your owners are watching puppy videos on Youtube. I totally understand your dismay and confusion. Does it mean they love you less? Not at all. Just means you’re not a puppy anymore. Or you’re not doing cute things to distract them, like figuring out how to climb out of a backyard shed by climbing up the chain link walls, poking yourself out the top, and taking a death-defying leap back down to the ground. Know how I know about that one? Your owners sent it to Dorothy.

Look, you’re plenty cute in your picture. And most importantly, YOU CAME FIRST. Who’s still there when they turn off the computer? YOU ARE. Who’s still there when the power goes out? YOU ARE. Who’s still there when the wireless connection blips out? YOU ARE.

May I be so bold as to suggest, that, possibly. MAYBE, the problem isn’t with the ones that walk around on two legs, but four? And not the four legged ones on the computer?

Ultimately it comes down to trust, Bianca. You’d have a problem if they weren’t feeding you or taking you on walks because they can’t tear their eyeballs away from the guy singing his puppies to sleep with his rendition of “Goodnight Sweetheart.” (they sent that one to Dorothy too.) But they still are, aren’t they?

Like I never had a problem until we got to Oz, and Dorothy started paying attention to those goons Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion instead of me. That’s when all the trouble started, but you better believe I took care of it.

So bottom line, unless those pixilated puppies come out of the screen and start licking your owner’s face, you’re okay. In the meantime, to paraphrase the great comedian Steve Martin “Be so cute that they can’t ignore you.”

Or pee on the rug. One of the two.

Ask Toto A Question runs every other week until the questions run out. Don’t let that happen! Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com.

Where Did You Get This Idea?

If you’ve ever been a part of a Talkback Session or Q&A with the playwright after a performance, invariably one of the first questions that comes up (providing it’s a world premiere, and not something like Shakespeare’s Taming Of The Shrew) is “Where did you get this idea.”

The idea for Say Goodbye Toto came in April of 2005. I was an Ovation Voter at the time, and was stuck in a very well intentioned, beautifully designed, adequately acted and deadly boring play by a Pulitzer Prize winning writer. I’m not a big fan of Depression era stuff, and I’m also not a fan of the type of writing where people die offstage right before the intermission, and people come onstage and cry about it. The kind of stuff where all the action takes place offstage, and people wonder what they’re gonna do about it onstage. That type of writing makes me snore. (I think I may have been the only one who didn’t like it, as the play pulled in critic’s raves from several publications.)

But sitting there, in the audience, out of nowhere. I suddenly remember at the end of the Wizard Of Oz, how Dorothy holds up Toto and says, “Say goodbye, Toto.” And waves little Toto’s paw for him at everyone just as they’re about to step into the balloon, right before things go wonky because Toto sees a cat and leaps out of Dorothy’s arms and the Wizard in the balloon takes off without them.

And my brain starts rolling from there. I could retell Wizard of Oz from Toto’s point of view. There’s something we haven’t seen before. Sure, there’s the movie version, and Return to Oz, and Wicked and later on, the Tin Man miniseries on Sci-Fi Channel, but nobody’s done it from Toto’s point of view before. And I think that dog has something to say. I really do.

Initially the idea was that Toto didn’t wanna leave Oz, that Dorothy was waving his paw against his will. The title of Say Goodbye Toto, would be a metaphor for not wanting to grow up, not wanting to return to reality.

But quickly I realized that wasn’t going to be as strong of a narrative as if Toto couldn’t wait to get out of Oz, and Dorothy was the one that wanted to stay. And a logical reason for why Toto would want to get the hell out of Oz would be if he saw Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion as romantic rivals for Dorothy’s affection.

Once I hit upon that idea, I got really excited about the possibilities. I could play around with audience expectations, and re-imagine the characters in ways they hadn’t been seen before. I could flip gender communication roles in modern day relationships, where Toto the boy is constantly pouring his heart out to Dorothy, who’s oblivious (because she obviously can’t hear him.) I could examine the idea of what unconditional love means to a dog versus a human.

The only thing I don’t have yet is a reason for why it’s called “Say Goodbye Toto.” My original reason that is was a metaphor for Toto not wanting to leave Oz doesn’t work anymore. There is a point in the play where Dorothy introduces Toto to Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion and says “Say hello, Toto.” (Toto promptly replies “I hate each and every one of you.”) But that’s as close as I get. I suppose I could have the Wicked Witch say it in kind of a Bond Villain way, “Say Goodbye Toto, eeeeeee hee hee heeeeeeee!” But that seems a little obvious.

Doesn’t matter. It’s too good of a title. It’s staying. Yay!

- Amy Heidish