Ask Toto #56

Dear Toto,

My owner takes me to get my toenails cut a lot. I HATE IT.  Doesn't she understand that it hurts!  WHY does it hurt?  And WHY does she want to paint my toenails? What is the DEAL!?

- Anti-pedicures for Pets

Hi Anti-PP,

Well, first things first, it is important that our toenails get cut.  'Cause if they don't, they get all long and wolf-like and then they get caught on things, and that's no fun at all.

They also need to be cut because humans don't like being scratched.  That's a biggie.

It's true, some people don't understand how to cut their dog's toenails.  Quick refresher, humans: DO NOT CUT INTO THE QUICK.  Humans don't understand, because their nails don't have blood vessels and nerves in their nails.  And dogs that have black colored toenails are especially difficult, because you can't tell where the Quick stops and starts.  Here is a nifty How To picture that gives you a visual.

But you generally want to steer your human towards the guillotine type of clippers for a cleaner cut (though your human is going to pick the one your human feels the most comfortable with.)  And nudge your human to also cut the dew claw, which is easy to forget because it doesn't touch the ground normally.

And this is very important - train your human to give you a treat after a successful clipping.  That way you'll have a reward for going through this not-necessarily fun task.

In terms of painting toenails, well, this totally falls into the category of Don't Put Clothes On Your Dog category.  Don't Put Clothes On Your Dog, And Don't Paint Their Toenails.  It's dumb. Don't understand why humans paint their own toenails, don't understand why they want to paint their dog's toenails.  This is where I definitely recommend the Wiggle And Squirm Technique.  There is no reason to stay put for a toenail painting.  Run run far far away.

Thanks for the question!

Do you have a question for Ask Toto?  Send him your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Toto Takes A Quiz

So Dorothy likes to do a lot of these internet quizzes like “Which Walking Dead Survivor Are You” (She got Maggie) or “Which Movie Is Actually Based On Your Life” (She got Disney's Brave)

So when I stumbled upon Which DisneyDog Are You? Well, I couldn't resist! Which Disney dog COULD I be? Am I about to fall so deeply into a meta rabbit hole that I won't be able to get out? (Or worse, I'd get a dog who is COMPLETELY unlike me?)

And I did quibble that a lot of the questions didn't include an answer I was happiest with, (see #3 – My Favorite Meal is, but there's no All Of Them answer). And some of the questions I was happy to answer ( #5 asking me to pick my favorite Disney Cat did have “Ew, Cats” as a potential answer, which I totally picked). 

Number 9's “My favorite word is” was truly confounding, since “Dorothy” wasn't an answer (I picked “Yo-yo” since those things hypnotize the heck out of me when Dorothy plays with one)

It finally spit out the result that I'm Dug, from Pixar's Up. I guess I can live with that. I mean, he's kinda dumb, but incredibly loyal. I made Dorothy take the quiz and she got Max from the Little Mermaid, which is weird, because he's kinda nondescript in that movie.

Go give the quiz a try and see what YOU come up with.

Ask Toto #55

Dear Toto,

What is it with humans that want to teach their dog how to shake hands/paws? What's the deal?

- Obedient But Confused

Hi ObBuCon!

Humans can be really weird sometimes, right? I mean, I get why they want to teach us to Sit, it's the most obvious way to get us to calm down. I get the whole Stay thing, too, it's about them getting us to be in one place and stay there until they're ready for us to be someplace else.

Shake hands/paws? Man, I don't know. At first I thought it was a manners thing, because I see humans shaking hands with each other as a greeting all the time, because, well, dogs sniff butts, humans shake hands. It's one of the ways we differ as a species, fine.

But humans wanting to shake hands with a dog, well. It kinda falls into the same category as Roll Over, or Play Dead, or even Speak. The category of Tricks Just To Show Other People You Taught Your Dog Something And Your Dog Is Obedient. A Useless Trick, in other words.

But this is where you stand your ground, ObBuCon. Because I'm guessing your human rewarded you with a treat when you did shake paws/hands, right? And then it gradually tapered off, and now you don't get anything but a smile and applause from your owner's friends? You can take the power back. Refuse to do the trick unless you see the box of dog treats. You are nobody's fool, ObBuCon. Useless Tricks can be Useful for you, but only if you train your human right.

Make sure they understand – No Treat – No Trick. Sounds a little bit like Halloween, I know. But you can do it. You have the power. They just don't know it yet.

Thanks for the question!

Do you have a question for Ask Toto? Send him your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Ask Toto #54

Dear Toto,

How many layers is your dog bed? I only ask because my dog sleeps on two dog beds, and the other one sleeps on one. Can dogs really tell the difference?

- Princess That Might Know Something About Peas

Hi Princess!

Well it's true that dogs like themselves a comfy bed. We're not so different from humans, you know. You like comfy beds, we like comfy beds, preferably the same bed you're in.

Okay, so here's a story. When I was just a pup, Aunt Em tried to make me sleep in my own dog bed. I didn't like it one bit. I know where my place is, and it is ALWAYS next to Dorothy. ALWAYS.

Aunt Em's resolve is no match for the power of my Whine and PuppyDog Eyes, so that experiment didn't last long. But what I do remember is that my dogbed for all of three days was Aunt Em stacking two cushions and a towel. And that was definitely more comfy than say, one cushion.

But if you don't want your dog in your bed, and they have to be on the ground, the thicker the bed, the better. Stack away with the bed/cushions/whatever. You know you've gone too high when they can't get into it on their own.

Or you could always get one of these:

Thanks for the question!

Do you have a question for Ask Toto? Send him your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Toto Review - Legends Of Oz - Dorothy's Return

Well, of COURSE Dorothy and I had to go check this movie out. It's got US in it. Do you guys have any idea how weird it is to see a portrayal of you on a giant giant movie screen? It's REALLY strange. This must be what Presidents of countries think when they see pictures of them in every magazine. I dunno.

Anyhow, Legends Of Oz - Dorothy's Return has Dorothy and Toto returning to Oz in what we're told are days after her first adventure. Scarecrow has beamed her and me back to Oz to help them overthrow the evil Jester, who's gotten a hold of the Wicked Witch's Broom and some multi-colored crystal something or other and has turned Glinda and a few other Ozians into puppets.

Dorothy and me go on a convoluted journey, first to Emerald City, then to the Jester's place (Why couldn't we have just gone to the Jester's place first?) and pick up new companions along the way, like Wiser the Owl, General Marshal Mallow and China Princess, to fight the Jester and save Oz.

I loved the production design, Candy Country, China Country, the Emerald City Castle, all of it. There's plenty of fun in the details, from the Great Wall Of China, to the red licorice trim on Marshal Mallow's uniform.

But honestly, there's a lot of things that don't make sense in the story. While Scarecrow busts out a few mental gymnastic plans, Tin Man and Lion don't act especially loving or courageous, which is odd.

Dorothy barely spends any time with her old pals – Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. And yet we don't get an emotional bond between her and her new pals – Wiser, Marshal Mallow and China Princess (who's pretty hard to like in the first place) to make us want to root for them to succeed.

But what little emotion is in this movie comes from the relationship between Marshal Mallow and China Princess. She's haughty, cold, and a Not Very Nice Word, but Marshal Mallow's gallantry and growing love for her (to the point where he sacrifices parts of himself to put her back together) is quite touching to see.

The movie is bookended by scenes of Kansas, and Dorothy fighting off a callous con man trying to condemn her tornado-wrecked homes and those of her neighbors. But Dorothy already sees him as a fraud before she leaves, and unmasks him when she gets back. She didn't learn any new lessons in Oz that would help her back home, so why have the bookends? Dorothy's not learning any lessons, old or new. So we came out of the movie feeling like we hadn't seen anything new.

I was pleased to see that the onscreen version of me does a few heroic things here and there. But the onscreen Toto prominently sports a tag with the letter “D” on it. But it's never remarked on in the film. What does the “D” stand for? Dog? Why would I wear a tag announcing my species? Is it supposed to stand for “Dorothy?” Dorothy's not my name. If it's supposed to be one of those love token things, Dorothy doesn't wear a necklace with the letter “T” on it for Toto, so it still doesn't make sense.

And the fact that I spent the majority of the movie wondering about that, instead of being enthralled by the story, probably tells you everything.

But I do have to give the movie major major props for not featuring a single cat. So maybe this movie's all right in my book. ;)

Ask Toto #53

Dear Toto,

My dog is fat.  There's no two ways about it.  I love her no matter how she looks, but she's fat in a way that the vet has gently encouraged me to do something about it.  Do you have any thoughts in terms of an exercise routine that all dogs would jump at the chance to do (preferably a bunch of times)?

- Pooch has got some Pounds

Hi PP!

Boy, I totally hear you about the weight thing. A dog's life can be really cushy, you know. Eat, sleep, get up, wag tail, eat, sleep, get up, wag tail.

It's great that you love your dog so much that they don't have to do much in the way of physical activity. And you could always check to see if there's a lower calorie dog food that your vet recommends to feed your dog.  But, as with so much in life, a good life routine includes some kind of daily sustained physical movement.  

But it can be tough for a pleasantly plump poochie to start a routine when they've never had to do so.  So try these few steps:

1. a simple walk.  Start off slow, maybe just down the block.  Then increase the distance a little bit at a time when they've got it down.  You might be surprised, your dog probably would love the chance to explore new surroundings.

2. Chase your dog around the house.  Most dogs are instinctively programmed to love the game tag and chase.  Give it a shot.

3. Have the dog chase the cat around the house. Because the cat has probably done something bad and needs to have a good scare.

4. If your dog resists all attempts to play and walk, bring out the big guns.  BACON.  Lure your dog on a walk, or chasing around the house by using bacon as bait.  This will probably work for you and him. The question is, who gets to eat the bacon first.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

Do you have a question for Ask Toto? Send him your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

The Secret About Tummy Rubs

So I'm gonna do you all a favor and clue everyone in on a secret - The Secret About Tummy Rubs.

It is totally true that all dogs love a good tummy rub.  Every dog's Achilles' Heel is a tummy rub, have no doubt.  Cats don't dig it in the same way and that's because Evil hates feeling Good. Obviously.

But what's the flip side of a tummy rub?

A BACK SCRATCH.

So when you see your lovable pooch twisting and turning on their back, or a half moon stretch on the carpet and it looks like they're just DYING for a tummy rub?  They probably are, and by all means, please move over there and relieve that tummy rub ache ASAP.

But!  They're probably also scratching their back.

it's the best of both worlds.  You rub their tummy, and they scratch their back.

Do it for your poochie!  Do it because you love them!  TummyRubs and BackScratches 24/7!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

This has been a public service announcement from your dog.  If they could talk.  I'm speaking for us all. :)