Ask Toto #52

Dear Toto:

My owner takes me walking in parks a lot, and I love every single second of it.  But I notice that we run into quite a few dogs who aren't on a leash.  I don't know how I feel about this, I'm very conflicted.  Part of me wishes I could be free like them, but then part of me wishes they would play by the rules.  Any thoughts?

- Conflicted In Griffith Park.

Hi Conflicted!

Boy, I hear you on that for sure.  it's the classic The Rules Don't Apply To Me conundrum.  Humans love the idea of them and their dog romping around the trails on hikes, and they don't necessarily realize that just because their dog is well behaved off leash doesn't mean other dogs are.  Most owners who know their dogs are gonna get snappy keep them on a leash, but then here comes a dog off leash and suddenly you have a nightmare.  A nightmare you wouldn't have if everyone simply followed the rules.

Not to mention the fact that if you let your dog off leash in Griffith Park (or any park, for that matter) then you run the risk of encountering not very nice park critters like snakes or coyotes or stuff.  It may feel like your owner is encroaching on your sense of freedom by having you on leash, but they're really keeping you safe.

As to the rule breakers, you can console yourself by knowing they're most likely coming home with dirt, burrs, and fleas all over them.

thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Ask Toto #51

Dear Toto,

I've always been curious, why do dogs sleep at the foot of the bed, instead of by their owner's heads?

- Someone's Breathing On My Tootsies

Hi Tootsies!

Well, it helps if you think about it from the dog's perspective.  Where is the dog during the day?  On the ground.  What does he comes into contact with the most of the ground?  The carpet, a lot of furniture legs, a lot of dust bunnies, that infernal cat who keeps hanging around and YOUR FEET.  Your shoes, your feet, your calluses, your cute little tootsies!  Your dog is probably more familiar with your feet than your face.  Your dog is probably more familiar with your feet than you are.

Yes, you will hear all sorts of experts talk about Alpha dog behavior, and your dog is looking to you to exert dominance to instruct the dog to specifically be at the foot of the bed, and no pillows for you and blah blah blah.

But so when it's nighty night, and time to snuggle down, your dog is gonna wanna be down by what he knows.  Which are your toes!

And if you've got one of those dogs that love to go under the sheets and you're worried they're gonna smother themselves, don't be.  Your dog is not THAT dumb, and they'll go seek fresh air when they need it.  

thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Let's Talk About Valentine's Day

So!

Valentine's Day approacheth! And since chocolate is bad bad bad for dogs, you may be wondering what some great last minute ideas are for your pet to give to you on Valentine's Day.  Here's a few suggestions:

FLOWERS.  Flowers are awesome.  They smell pretty, they bring smiles to Dorothy's face, and they don't kill me if I try to eat them.  Which I don't.  Because I don't know if you know this, but roses taste pretty terrible.

CANDLES - Candles are also awesome.  They might be more awesome than flowers because while there's no point in trying to eat them, they can SMELL like food.  Like Vanilla or Cinnamon or Pumpkin Pie or something.  So you can SMELL food, but it's NOT food.  Which is confusing, but remember, Valentine's Day is not about you, it's about Dorothy, or whoever your owner is.

POETRY - Nothing says "I love you" more than saying "I love you." but in different words, like your own.  I happen to be fond of a smartly worded haiku myself.  For instance:

I love you so much

And if you love me so much

Get rid of the cat

And a little reminder, humans.  No matter how much you might want to dress your dog up in some Valentine's Day ensemble.  Don't do it.  

DON'T DRESS YOUR DOG UP!  WE DON'T LIKE IT!  HONESTLY, WE DON'T!  

THERE IS A REASON THIS DOG DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY!  IF YOU LOVE YOUR DOG, PLEASE DON'T PUT CLOTHES ON THEM!

Thanks, and have a great Valentine's Day :)

Let's Talk About Squeaky Toys

So! We're past Christmas, and I bet some of you well intentioned humans got your dogs squeaky toys for Christmas. Maybe it was an impulse buy at the PetCo, next to the doggie treats that are supposed to make your dog's breath smell great (sucker, those don't work).

Sure, you think it's good exercise. Or it gives you the break you need so you can make dinner or watch Jon Stewart or go through the mail or something. Perhaps you think it's adorable to give the furry squirrel with a squeaker inside of it to your dog and watch him go bananas.

Here's the thing, though. I gotta tell you, honestly, those Squeaky Toys? They drive dogs insane. And not in a good way.

Imagine this – a can of savory candied cashews. Or a plate of delicious strawberries, covered with a plastic lid. A take out bag of yummy drool-worthy tacos? Whatever it is that makes your taste buds tingle. Can you see it? It's right in front of you. You can even smell it.

Now imagine you can't get it open.

No matter how hard you hammer the can or work at that plastic lid, or batter that bag, you cannot get it open. You can see it, you can smell it, you are SO CLOSE to eating it, but you can't get it open.

That's what's it like for dogs and squeaky toys.

We can't leave it alone. WE HAVE TO GET THE SQUEAKER OUT! We HAVE to, I'm telling you. We have rip that stuffed animal apart, chomp that squeaker inside, and trail stuff and fluff all over the floor. Don't you understand what happens if we leave that squeaker inside the stuffed chipmunk? IT WILL CONTINUE TO SQUEAK THE NEXT TIME WE PLAY WITH IT! THE SQUEAKER DOES NOT ABIDE! IT DOES NOT, IT DOES NOT, IT DOES NOT!

It's madness. Pure madness. The squeaker, taunting us, like a deranged whistle pounding at our eardrums. We're talking real OCD doggie behavior. We can't think, we can't go on a walk, we can't eat... okay, yes, we can. But it's not as much fun to eat, knowing that squeaker in that stuffed fox is STILL THERE.

Yes, it is fun for dogs. But fun in like the most grimly determined of ways. Fun like going to an all you can eat buffet. Where you know you're overeating, but you HAVE to try everything on the buffet because it's there, and it's all you can eat, and you are going to sample every last dessert in the dessert section!

So you can buy your dog a squeaky toy. But take pity, and also buy that cut of filet mignon (real meat, not the squeaky toy version.) Because your dog is gonna EARN that sucker, oh yes, he is.

Ask Toto #50

Dear Toto,

Do you have any New Year’s Resolutions?

Compulsive List Maker

Hi Compulsive!

My resolution is the same every year.  It’s the same every year because I break it every year.  And that resolution is…

I promise to be nice to the cat.

It’s a resolution that Dorothy wants me to make, and I want to make her happy, really I do.  But it’s SO DARN HARD!

I promise to be nice to the cat.

You ever notice how the cat doesn’t make any resolutions at all?  I promise not to bother Toto.  That would be a GREAT resolution for the cat, and the cat doesn’t do bupkiss.  Just slinks around, so hoity toity and sneering at me and twitching its tail and thinking its so great and then I just have to BARK BARK BARK and chase it all over the house and hopefully into the water trough outside because I promise you, a wet cat is an awesome sight to see.

I promise to be nice to the cat.

Does it have to be “nice”?  Can it be “civil”?  “Polite”?  “Steadfastly ignoring you until you upset me”?

I am a dog.  I will try my best.  But don’t blame me if I break the resolution… oh, about two days ago.

Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com

Let's Talk About Christmas Time

So!  Christmas is coming!  Christmas is coming!  And I know Christmas is coming because there’s a Christmas tree in the living room, and there’s colored lights all over the place and Auntie Em is using nutmeg and cinnamon a lot more than she usually does, and there’s peppermint sticks that Dorothy won’t let me have, and she’s put a red and green bow on my collar.  So that usually means it’s Christmas time, or I’m having a really vivid dream.

I remember the first time Dorothy told me about Santa Claus and what he does.  And of course my first instinct is, WHAT!?  NO WAY!  HE’S AN INTRUDER!  WHY ARE WE LEAVING OUT MILK AND COOKIES FOR A GUY WHO ENTERS OUR HOUSE VIA A CHIMNEY!

But then Dorothy promised me that Santa was actually a good person, and to prove it, he left me a few dog treats on Christmas morning.  So then Santa Claus became, like, my best friend ever.

Though there’s a part of me that does sigh at Christmas.  Because they put out some strange Christmas merchandise featuring Dorothy and friends, and sometimes me.  And quite frankly, I come out looking kinda weird on these things.

Like this, from http://www.retroplanet.com/PROD/39730. 

That doesn’t look a THING like my woman!  And I, I, I, well, I look like a grey CAT!

Hallmark Ornaments did an ornament on us back in 1994: - http://www.hookedonhallmark.com/1994-Dorothy-and-Toto_p_3340.html 

I don’t even look like I’m real you’re an ornament.  I know that!  But I look like a stuffed dog here.

And while I can understand why this is amusing on first glance, the fact of the matter is, it’s kinda CREEPY to put dead witch’s legs and feet on your mantleplace.

(and since this item has been discontinued, I have to imagine that a lot of people agree with me.)

But!  Should you wonder what you should be getting your dog for Christmas (Pssst!  Dorothy!  Pay attention here!)  Wonder no more.  It’s this…

DOG TREATS!  DOG TREATS!  LOTS AND LOTS OF DOG TREATS!

Treat your dog!  It’s Christmas!  Buy your pup something fun and different for a change!

Happy Holidays, everyone!  :)

Ask Toto #49

Dear Toto,

What do you and Dorothy usually do for Thanksgiving?

Scrutinizing The Stuffing

Hi Scrut!

Well, the very very very first thing that Dorothy and I do is get up before the roosters, so we can claim our seat in front of the TV and watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  Our favorite float is the winking, blinking turkey one. What can I say, we’re traditionalists.

Then, Auntie Em cooks up a ginormous Thanksgiving dinner that you would not believe.  She cooks a veritable ocean of food, because she’s feeding herself, Uncle Henry, Dorothy, me, and all the farm hands.  It’s something like 20 people or so. No cats allowed.

But there’s turkey, and cornbread stuffing, and homemade cranberry sauce (nothing from a can, no thank you!), green bean casserole, roasted asparagus, rolls and butter and pumpkin pie! It’s amazing!  It’s awesome, and it’s…

Hey!  What is that CAT doing in the picture!  Shoo, cat! I said no cats allowed! I am not thankful for you this Thanksgiving!  Go be thankful in your litter box!  Sheesh.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else!  Thanks for the question!

Ask Toto A Question runs twice a month until the questions run out.  Don't let that happen!  Send Toto your queries at thedogtoto@yahoo.com